Thursday, May 10, 2018

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Don't Strike Out


The elections are bigger than just the General election for Presidency. There are so many people that only vote at that time. Well the Primary elections are just as important. This world didn't start or end with the elections of Obama and or Trump. It takes more than 1 person to form a successful team. Many first and last timers came out to play then; however, I'm not new to this. Been voting for over 30 years. Don't be quick to yell foul; when in fact, you were never in the game. Go Vote!

Sunday, April 29, 2018

SOME Of Why I Cry NO MORE(long admission)



On this day my late husband will have turned 61. *They say don't speak ill of the dead; as well as,
"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Well it just so happens that,
while I'm acknowledging his birthday, I'm also up to speaking my truth of the horror that was our union.

Prior to marriage, he often told me some very nice, kind things about myself; followed by, "If you were my woman, you would not treat me the way you treat such n such because I would beat your ass." I replied, "Ha... I would never be your woman, because you're not my type anyway". Welp, lust and curiosity came into play and within 1 year, I became "his woman". Month's following, I was slapped for not wanting to have a birthday party in which I would meet more of his family members. The party was had. He'd already demanded I kick out a paying tenant so he could plant his older brother as a spy.(THAT brother was actually pretty cool) He had two other brother's escort me around town as a deterrent to other men, that I "belonged" to him.

Once he stole my brand new outfit to give to his kids' mom because, "I had more clothes than her and she needed them more". He did the same with my sons clothes to her eldest son. I was smacked for telling him he could no longer make my kids miss school to watch his younger kids. And that their father was coming to pick them up. They didn't leave with their dad. I was made to eat chewed food from his mouth. No matter the food. It started with candy and gum as, "an exchange to share EVERYTHING from now on". After 4 years, I concocted a plan and flee'd to another state because he proposed to me and I had zero interest in being married to him. He found me the next morning(someone close to me sold me out). He called sobbing questioning why I didn't want to marry him. That he could have any woman he wanted(being a former pimp) yet he chose me.
Something or fear allowed me to oblige him and within a week, we were married.

He literally bathed me, done my hair and nails. Picked out our matching attire each day. Fed me fork or spoon to mouth from a shared plate. Dared any other male to engage me in any conversation without first consulting him. Got smacked because our mutual friend bought me a pack of cigarettes. Within 3 months, he brung his 2 young babies to live with us. He'd bring home snacks, call in and allow his babies to pick over them until they were done and call my kids in later. I secretly told them to respond kindly, "no thank you". I'm grateful that worked without question. My kids were in school full time, where I could work or attend school; but nope, had to watch his while he "worked".Told me if I didn't like it I could leave again. Two month's later, I mastered another plan and moved out.

Day's later, after threats to my family that "I could run but could not hide", I disclosed my location
but told him we could NOT nor NEVER be a couple again. He bullied a guy that was courting me. But eventually gave up and sent for his kids' mom. He later relocated to Texas where he was murdered at the age of 34.

Bottom line, He planted seeds that didn't grow and I chose to cease watering them. It may take some time due to fear and or resources, but it's equivalent to a bad storm that doesn't last forever. Never stay in a situationship that is not flourishing or is causing harm to your children and or yourself. Because of this experience, I don't date guy's with young children and I run from "love appearing too hard(unequal admiration)", or unequally yoked. So yeah... excuse me(or not) if I don't choose to "celebrate" with kindness. I celebrate ME!

*And don't get me wrong; in prior years acknowledgements of his birth and or death, per our better days, I'd say "Thank you for loving me enough to marry me". While I still feel this way, I was also punning the lack of courtesy and respect from the countless relationships before and after. Where I allowed myself to be "used up" without measure or worth. 



Friday, April 27, 2018

Ring Readers


I once led a "loose lifestyle" and denounced it all in 2008. December 2017 marked my 9 year milestone, so I purchased myself a Purity Promise ring very similar to the one above, to symbolize my dedication. I wore it on my left hand ring finger with the hearts facing perfectly upward when I look at it(upside down to onlookers), as my promise is to God. It's currently only between us, so it's what I alone see, when I bask upon it. The only time I thought I should turn it around perfectly visible to suitors, would be when I was ready to be courted fully. I figured an interested gentleman would inquire of the ring and it's symbolic meaning in lieu of making an assumption. I've looked at a gents hand before, to see if he was "coupled" per se, and kept my distance and remained respectful if one was present.

Longer story short. I've had guys ask to see my finger before beginning a lustful line of questioning.
I've caught guys veering toward "the finger", and some that ignore it all together and speak their mind. Well now that I'm ready to date for keeps, I moved my ring to the right hand finger, with the hearts upward to viewers. I've gotten more initiated conversation; however, now I've read that, wearing it over there means a whole nuther group of somethings else. Sigh... it fits better on the right, but I don't want to be misread. I have ring guards for wearing it on the left, but I don't want to miss an opportunity if the worthy "reader's" do a glance assumption. Anyway, I've decided to wear it on the left and if God sent them, they'll know how to proceed. This seems silly😔😏. Everyone is too busy reading emoji's and icons to revert to actual spoken word for their answers.

Waiting without rushing and seeking without searching


Sunday, April 22, 2018

Indecisiveness



Today I'm in a state of mind where I like everybody at the same time that I dislike everyone.
I want to take a long trip just as much as I want to stay home and enjoy doing nothing.
Wanting to be on a "diet" while I eat whatever I have a taste for.
I would like to be married almost as much as I enjoy my single freedom.
I am happily angry about everything and nothing.

What in the entire pluck is happening or not to me?!


Sunday, April 15, 2018

Scaling Fifty

The measurement of a person's worth is usually done so on a sliding scale.
Vayda shows up to battle life while other's go off hiding their tail.
Pros and Cons and all the resolve that determine if he should pass,
Rarely is there just one person that stands out and exceeds the mass.

A man of superior caliber doesn't have to boast or beat his chest.
Especially when you speak his name and everyone knows whom you suggest.
He's kind and forgiving and wise and handsome and there for you in every way.
That's why it's easy as pie to wish such a guy an extremely Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Mr. Vayda L Smith. I wish you the very best of everything on your list.
Thank you for being an exceptionally good friend.  ~Angela