Thursday, December 27, 2007

Sc "rambled" Transitions

Has anyone seen my...
How can I put this?
My uhhh, Will Power and Self-Discipline

There was a time when, if I thought it, I could position it into existence.
Wanting to do and be better at what ever I am lacking in. Being able to say, I can do it. Guess what...I can't right now.
I never wanted to speak that word and let it ride. You've been told your whole life, never to say you can't. I'm sure that I can, somewhere within myself. I've just misplaced that switch. My "positive" package has been misplaced or lost amongst, the "used to be" box. Perhaps it was buried along with my belief box. The one that contained my confidence and certainties.(((shrug)))

Yes, I've looked under there. Uhh hum, looked over there too. I doubt if it's been stolen. I don't interact with people that would do that to me. The last time I saw it was, uhh, wow... it's been a minute. Maybe I've gotten too comfortable with myself, and felt no need for enhancements. How could that be though? There is always room for improvements.
The first thing I wanted to do was associate the loss with age. You know, getting so consistent with the way I move about on the day to day, that I never stopped to think; being sedentary for a long time, could harm me. Mentally and physically. I was once prophesied to be still. I've been still for so long. Don't get me wrong, I've actually enjoyed the break from the hustle and bustle, but I'm sure I wasn't supposed to halt my anticipations, my desires, my ability to achieve. You can bet your bottom dollar, that I was not supposed to give up on myself. I haven't, never will.(((slighted brow raise)))

Entertaining the thought of being a better me, has been just that, mental entertainment. I'm not putting forth an effort to have those thoughts transpire into realities. You feel me yet?OK let me put it this way... I visualize myself in a better place mentally, physically and financially. However, I have forgotten how to proceed with making it happen. I start a plan and give up, without completion. I intend to advance, but inadvertently fall back.
(((blank stare, sigh and pause)))

Give me a minute, I'll find it...