Saturday, September 18, 2010

Socially Disconnected

Self explanatory!

Not totally upset about being "cut off" from "the others". I can honestly say that it was a long time coming for me to adorn my freedom. My alone time, my self settings, my space, my world per Se. My name isn't Eve thus I have parents that begot me. I didn't arrive here as a twin or more, yet I have siblings. Very early into my teen years I became a mother. For the next 18+ years there were the kids, the doctors, the help organizations, the employers and ees etc. I was not,(although longing to finally be) alone. I love my children, I love my siblings and parents; I just felt my life was so over ladened with people.

I dated, I married by the age of 25. There were step kids and in-laws. His circle. Remnants of mine. Sigh... it was never just me. I'm really not surprised that I know not my intent.. I've made familiar positive impacts on people places and things I've touched, and I've moved on. But to where? What happened or is happening? The delayed prospective(s) are of my doing. No one's in my way now. That's my own shoe.

For starters, I'm not sighing in sadness. It's a sigh of pause. The sigh of thought. Oh before? Yea... being overwhelmed made me sad at times. I couldn't control the actions and beings of "the adult others" so I had to fit in comfortably for life's sake. I bet most of you will think it's so weird that I am most social with total strangers. I still interact with my children, however the strangers get my biggest smiles, my most social me. See, I can greet them, engage in at the moment kinda stuff, and be out. I'm not married or an integral part of their daily lives. Just that moment. I like that. I like knowing I can communicate limitedly when I want to, which is rare these days. I love my quiet. I appreciate my stillness. I embrace my disconnection because it's my choice. Finally. 

Now, there's no excuse why I haven't heard my calling. It's so quiet here. I longed for this time of non interference, but still I don't know what to do with it. The time I use now should be for that. I'm listening to myself, it's all I have left. Yep... blogged or dumped that here before, got distracted and I'm back. Remember not to pity my emptiness, applaud my open platform.

Eventually I will perform.